The plinth so far
Ignorance is certainly bliss. When I submitted myself to do a bit on the plinth as part of Antony Gormley’s One and Other project I was happy in the knowledge that the chances of me being chosen were close to nil. When I opened my email to see that I had in fact been picked it was like a big, wet fish being slapped in my face. What the hell was I going to do? My first respite was to base something on my nationality. I’ve found that one of the benefits of being Scottish is that you can use your nationality as a comfy suit. Having an accent helps you fit in when in strange surroundings, makes you a little more ‘exotic’. But when I explored that notion further it all ended up in a pile of clichéd shit. That wasn’t for me. Looking for inspiration I went to see what my fellow plinthers were doing. That didn’t work for me either. I started thinking, “I could do something like that but with...<fill in crap idea here>”. That wasn’t going to happen either. When my plinth welcome pack dropped through the door I was really beginning to panic. I had nothing. Looking for inspiration I went out for some beers with some friends. And then the idea came. Lies. Firstly it was about listing lies that I’ve said over the years with a view to share and, possibly, explain why. I have some corkers. Nothing evil, just daft. I liked the idea of admitting stuff like that in the most public place in the UK. I thought it would be interesting to tell the truth about my lies in front of thousands of people who don’t know me. Absolution by the masses rather than the person that really should be getting it. All a bit superficial. All a bit over-thought. Still the next thing was one hour worth of lies. I don’t think I could fill up that time so I thought I’d open it up and see if anyone else would be interested in having their deepest darkest lies shouted out over Trafalgar Square. So I put up a wee form on a wee site. It’s at http://plinthadventures.posterous.com/. I’ll see what happens. It may still all change...
I didn't regret it because he seemed to be in love with me and happy. I didn't think I was hurting him. To quote your opening gambit "Ignorance is certainly bliss".
Then one day, over 2 years ago, I met someone online (not the net but I'm not going to give you anymore details than that). We instantly knew there was something different and so tried to pretty much ignore each other for about a year.
Something happened one day and we HAD to talk and since then we have fallen in love, which sounds odd to say because we have deliberately never actually met in person (primarily circumstance kept us apart and now we stay apart because we know that meeting will take us to a place we can't turn back from and will only hurt everyone else).
Now I regret my lie and I regret it daily.
I regret the pain I have caused to my husband, my truelove, myself and I regret lying to everyone I know and care for.
Each day I get up and I feel like I live a life of punishment for my lie.
I regret the time I have missed with my truelove and I regret the future turmoil of being with someone who is not the one I really love.
My biggest regret - quotes your parting gambit "It may still all change..." - that one of these days my selfishness will take control and I will submit to my own self-indulgence and I will leave my husband and tear my family apart, to meet with the man I trully love - the question is....will I regret that?